April 2013
1 post
I’m so sorry for abandoning this blog for almost a year!
the winds of life started blowing, and i got caught up.
I will try to be better and post more
-love you all-
August 2012
18 posts
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“We’ll meet again
Don’t know where
Don’t know when
But I...”
– Vera Lynn
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The time I saw the devil in Paris
So,
a few years a go, during the summer between 11 and 12th grade I traveled to Europe with a school group.
It was our first day in Paris, We parked underground and were taking some stairs up in the street. It was a cool summer morning and I remember being pretty excited about the day. No thoughts of the paranormal were crossing my mind.
As my group (of about 30 High school kids) walked...
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Life
If I were to die today what would my friends and family say at my funeral? To be honest i cant imagine it would be anything of interest. The usual everyday babble spewed at funerals across the nation. They would describe the positive aspects of my personality and the few good things I’ve said or done through out my life. They would grieve and miss me, but it would be a short service with...
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“I watch you grow away from me in photographs
And memories like spies
And salt...”
– Brandi Carlile
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First love Lost
This is a ‘love note’ I wrote back when I was still in high school. I never er gave it to the person of my affections. And haven’t even spoken to them in a few years.
What I feel is real.
There is no denying that. No matter how you feel about me, I still feel this way about you, And that one thought, that one feeling, is all it takes to make it matter. To make it real.
...
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“As soon as my eyes shut the slide show begins
Yesterday is gone now and panic...”
– Brandi Carlile
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New home
So far I greatly enjoy my new home. Its a townhouse I’m sharing with 5 others. My uncle is the landlord, and everything seems to be going good.
I enjoy my roommates, and I’m making an effort to be more social.
I even decorated my room. something I haven’t really done since the foreclosure when i was 18.
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incomplete short story
This is a short story I never got around to finishing.
When balance is restored to the world and the evil forces defeated You’d expect the hero’s of a story to live happily ever after. You expect them to grow old surround by loved ones. You expect all to be well.
No one ever tells you about the nightmares. The paranoia. The Depression. And The heart ache that plagues them.
My...
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No internet
I am so sorry for not updating or posting. I’ve moved into a town house I’m sharing with 5 others, and for the first week we had no internets, besides that I’ve been busy with work.
but I have not forgotten you my friends!
I will continue to post!
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Procrastination
Moving tomorrow. Of Course I’ve put off most of my laundry and pick up till last minute.
Mom and Dad are almost on the road to make the drive up. I’m so excited to see them.
Sorry I haven’t been posting much, life has been kinda crazy the past week.
July 2012
54 posts
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Moving
This week I’m moving from my aunts home in to a town house that I will be sharing with 5 others. My best friend and I will be sharing the master bedroom, with my cousin and her boyfriend in the basement, and two other guys in the other rooms.
I think it will be a good move. I have a peace about it.
The only thing I am unsure about is the bus routs in that area and getting to work.
I dont...
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Parents and Cleaning
My parents are coming up to visit me and help me move in a few days, and I’m so excited about it. I’m thinking I will use the money donated to me to give to them to help with the gas expense.
They will only be in town for two days, but I will make it count. I’m thinking of making them a nice dinner, I really love cooking and want to show them how I’ve improved in the...
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Prison tattoo
So My brother got his first prison tattoo.
“Well, He Brian has a new tattoo - it’s the firefighter logo w/a tribute to 9.1.1. NYFD I didn’t see the full details but it was done VERY GOOD nice crisp good details and shaded. and f.y.i. the ink used was “non - toxic printer ink” soo…… oh yeah it’s cost was under $10 LOL < shaking head > LOL what...
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Happy Birthday
Its my Brothers birthday today. In the past I remember joking with him saying his birthday was cursed, because every year it would rain. I don’t know old I was but one year that sticks out was from maybe 10 years ago, We were standing on the porch watching the water just continuously poor down. There wasn’t much wind, and no thunder, just heavy rain. We watched our street start to flood. But we...
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Shame
I’ve always held so much shame. For who I am. What I do. What I desire. But one thing that I feel so much shame over, but don’t want to, is my faith.
I grew up in a christian home. My mom and dad, strong firm believers. And while I have always struggled, I’ve always come back to my roots in God.
Allot of my friends and extended family are atheist. And that’s fine. I applaud...
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Words from my Mother
This is something my mom wrote after her friends funeral, I enjoyed it and hope you will too.
“We’ve heard of the gift of tears? well I was given a final gift from a dear friend who’s gone w/the Lord. I’ve lost many people in my life, my dad, mom, my second ‘dad’, a childhood friend,…and I really don’t believe I’ve ever fully walked through...
“Eliminate physical clutter. More importantly, eliminate spiritual clutter.”
– Terri Guillemets
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Whatever Will Be, Will Be
Today after I woke up I called my mom and had the chance to truly talk to her. During the conversation, I confronted her about a problem she has with a very dear friend of mine. I confessed my feelings, and she explained her’s. It was a very healing conversation. I cried, my glasses fogged up with tears and my nose running, but it was needed.
I needed to convey my feelings and fears. I...
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Being grateful for what I have
Something I always try to remind my self is to be grateful for what I have. To thank God for every little thing. The sky, wind, bubbles in the water, pineapple juice. It doesn’t matter what it is, its all amazing and I should be glad that it exists.
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Just the Beginning
The listing didn’t sell, but that’s completely OK. I still did it. It was terrifying to put myself out there, but I did it. I feel proud of myself. Satisfied. I’m such a failure most of the time, not because I fail, but because I never try, and I’m so happy, even if nothing came out of it, I still tried! <3
Like I said I would, I’m going to sell off the things in lots, and...
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Thank you
I feel like I’m about to cry. Not out of anger, frustration, sadness, or grief, but out of pure gratitude.
While lurking online and randomly checking my email I discovered that someone had donated money. When I put the link on my page I never imagined that someone would be kind enough to give to me. After all, Who am I? Some whiny kid on the internet spewing some sob story? I never thought...
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Anxiety
It feels like a tightening in my chest. A weight accompanied by a desperation and panic. Its a familiar feeling and at some point feels like an old friend. This anxiety I feel shows up every ones in a while. Triggered by the most unexpected of things. A look. A memory. A family member.
I cant let it take over me though. I have to push thru.
a-slippery-slope asked: Hey. I think what you're doing is magnificent. No, you will not make a fortune off eBay. However, you are making a very bold move. This experience is going o provide you with so much strength and perspective - things much more important than finances. Money comes and goes. But you will have gained a life experience that hardly anyone will have to share. And it will prepare you to take bold...
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“It is the heart that makes a man rich. He is rich according to what he is, not...”
– Henry Ward Beecher
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Life
Today as I got ready for work I got a text from my mother that stayed heavy on my heart all day. Her friend, A women who use to be her best friend, had passed away last night.
She was the same age as my mom, even looked a little like her. I knew her from growing up, saw her every week at church and had sleep overs at her house. At one time I would call her daughter, a girl the same age as me, my...
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Clearing my mind
Take a deep breath and clear all thoughts.
I have to remember to do this every once in a while. If I dont, my mind just becomes a chaotic mess where troubles and worries pile up on one another till I’m too weighed down by my own problems to do anything about it.
Just close my eyes and breathe.
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“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication”
– Leonardo da Vinci
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A Breath of Fresh air
Right after posting the listing I had a mini anxiety attack. All I could think of was how much of a fool I am. That only bad would come from it. That I had made a horrible mistake.
But my family pulled me out from that.
At the moment I am living with my Aunt and her family. My cousin (who is three years younger) has been like a sister and best friend. I should really apologize to her because...
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Update
I woke up this morning to the sound of rain and the distant rumbles of thunder. It was early, the dawn of the day. And as I lay in bed, barley able to keep my eyes open enjoying the sound of the storm I felt completely at peace. Today will be a good day.
I have today off from work and I plan on getting allot done. I’ve been failing myself the last few days by doing nothing, but I plan on...
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“The secret of happiness, you see, is not found in seeking more, but in...”
– Socrates
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“Bloody scratched hands, and sore unwalkable feet. Only after working hard, can I...”
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“Contentment comes not so much from great wealth as from few wants”
– Epictetus
boatsachoes asked: Wow, what a wonderful thing you're doing. I know you don't agree with the people calling you "brave" and "fascinating", but can I at least call you "inspirational" please? Lol. I wish so badly that I could afford to make a decent bid on eBay, but unfortunately money's not good for me at the moment and anything I could offer would be insultingly low....
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“With a few flowers in my garden, half a dozen pictures and some books, I live...”
– Lope de Vega.
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Motivation
Finding motivation can be a real journey.
One moment everything seems possible, and the next, complete failure seems inescapable.
I find my self in between the two during most endeavors, leading and hoping for the best, but somewhat expecting the worse.
But today, the negative is really taking hold and a complete lack of motivation has consumed me.
Its aggravating to see yourself failing...
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Helping my Family
When I was a small girl, I remember playing with my older Brother. He was six years my senior, but I remember us laying down on his bed playing with his toy star trek ship set. He was the most amazing person in the world back then. My favorite sibling as well as a good friend.
When I got older and left elementary school, my opinion on him changed. No longer did we play Sega together. No longer...
